Two Months And Counting

I don’t want to hear any woes about little white hairs. Some of us are leaving this fertile land of the 30-somethings and heading into the dark, unknown regions in just two months.

Now, we all know that once you reach 30 in gay years, it’s all over. The decay (and cookie dough) will waste you away. Once you reach 40, however, the younger gays start building your coffin and hammering the nails into it. In between their under 30 only parties that you are not allowed to attend because you are too old now, that is. When I was actually under 30 though, the rest of us were building coffins for the people who went to those kinds of parties. As a result, I always felt like I really missed out on something. (I still do.) But, now that I’ve lived longer than most of my dead, gay friends and loved ones, I know now that they missed out on something too... the complete shame and utter humiliation of being old and gay.