Welcome To The Kingdom Of The Bald Monkey

So, after Blogger Mumi died, his spirit traveled around for a little while reconnecting with his inner Darwinian self. He ended up in a far away kingdom. So far away that he needed to take 2 airplane trips, 3 boat excursions and 9 taxi rides just to start the great expedition through the thickest of jungles to the most remote part of Mumilumiloo. There, he overthrew an evil fascist dictating ruler named Jesukasbusha who had been making everyone comply with his selfish demands of conformity. After Mumi’s spirit had saved all the people of Mumilumiloo from a life void of any individuality, he was crowned LordGodKing, The Bald Monkey ruler of all the kingdom. Finally, everyone there was free to be who they were as long as it didn’t hurt anyone else. Things changed for the better throughout the kingdom of Mumilumiloo. Magic mushroom medicated monkey meat marathons quickly became the favorite pastime in Mumilumiloo, and The Bald Monkey was quite a formidable participant in the races. After the marathons, it was “eat banana pudding time” and then everyone‘s second favorite, nap time. This went on for nearly two hundred and one half decades, and everyone enjoyed it and kind of got used to it.

Then, one day, The Bald Monkey was out in his garden listening to the melancholic sound of a Porcupine Tree off in the distance when an evil terrorist group known as the Anjesukasbushadics, who work for the evil Jesukasbusha, kidnapped The Bald Monkey and brought him back to their hideout, “Terrorist Cell Block H.” There, they tortured him using a bunch of blood-curdling medieval devices. The Bald Monkey was almost at the end of his tree branch when his old faithful companion, Bubala, saved the day. Bubala had done a bunch of internet research about the Anjesukasbushadics had determined the precise location of their secret hideout and he snuck in and beat up all the bad guys and carried The Bald Monkey away to safety.

When Jesukasbusha found out that The Bald Monkey had escaped, he sent his other bad guy terrorists to find him and Bubala and kill them. So, The Bald Monkey and Bubala had to leave Mumilumiloo and find a new safer place to live. They traveled over mountains, and forded streams. Then, they took this really cool train ride past all of these famous buildings and ended up in a largely alcoholic town called Glenburnadeticus where all of the hot, goateed, blue collar men were married to hippopotamuses due to a series of high school weekend drunken party mistakes that had plagued the town in the 1980’s. Here, The Bald Monkey met a gypsy woman who told him to settle down here in Glenburnadeticus and rule Mumiumiloo from this undisclosed location via a series of secret messages sent through the Internet.

So, The Bald Monkey, Bubala and their pet monkey, “Littleboymonkeybananaswigglepanigglepunkinpiesnickerdoodle” (also known as “Max.” As in maximum goofy names you can call your pet monkey without making everyone sick) settled in Glenburnadeticus and devised a way for The Bald Monkey to rule his kingdom of Mumilumiloo via the Internet.


This concludes the first message transmission to my people, The Great Mumilumilooians. Let them all know that I am okay, and I will continue to rule as your faithful leader from afar.

Let the magic mushroom medicated monkey meat marathons begin!